Is it possible to really dislike each other and effectively co-parent? Definitely. It’ll be a challenge, especially since you don’t trust each other right now, and you must co-parent while you’re rebuilding that trust. But if you both are willing to focus on the important things and let go of the things that don’t, then success is possible. After all, when it comes down to it, you both want the same thing: happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids.

Here are some tips for good co-parenting communication as you rebuild trust with one another:

• Honor All Agreements

Whatever you have agreed to in court or in any legal setting, honor that. You and your ex need to adhere to all agreements. The more success you have in this, the quicker you can rebuild trust with each other and more effectively co-parent. You both need to be able to count on each other doing what you say you will with regards to your children. And your kids need to count on their parents honoring their agreements, too.

• Develop a Business Relationship

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at your ex, let alone talk to them. Instead of thinking of that person as an ex, try to see it as more of a business relationship. There will be many emotions flung around from time to time, so keeping a level head is key here. It is hard to communicate effectively or build trust if you two are stuck on the past and what didn’t work. Keep things professional and don’t let anything your ex does bring you down.

• Focus on What You Can Control

In your ideal world, your ex will do XYZ. How likely is that to happen? Remember that you can’t control them. Trying to control your ex will only dampen your efforts to rebuild trust. They need to trust that you trust them. Remember that it goes both ways. So focus on what you can control, which is you. Your attitude, your tone, your actions. Be consistent, be prompt, set boundaries, and stick to them.

• Actively Listen to Your Ex

It’s hard to have full communication if you aren’t listening. So stop and let your ex talk. Even if you don’t agree, it’s important for them to feel like you are trying to listen. If either of you stop listening, then the other will simply stop talking, and then you won’t get anywhere. Try to have the big conversations in person so you can both make sure you’re on the same page. Other, more logistical issues can be talked about via email so you have a record and you can refer to them.

• Forgive and Try Again

You two are forging ahead into a new realm; don’t expect perfection. No matter how you feel about your ex personally, try your best to forgive them and move on. You don’t need that weight on your shoulder. It’ll just hold you back from working with them in a way that will help you both effectively co-parent. Will your ex keep making mistakes? Of course. But so will you. Just keep trying. It’s all you can both do.

• Negotiate What You Can

The court will have set forth certain parameters in who has the kids when, and other particulars. But what about the actual parenting? For example, what are the basic rules for your children with regards to homework, screen time, friend time, etc.? And what are the consequences if they break the rules? If you and your ex can get on the same page with this, co-parenting will be so much easier. However, it’s likely that you’ll both have different ideas on the details. So negotiate what you can. Give a little to get a little. Don’t be demanding or they may just do what they want anyway. Offer your case, give clear reasons, and let your ex know that in the best interest of the children, the more consistency from your house to their house the better.

• Keep a Positive Mindset

Don’t be negative and worry all the time. It’ll rub off on the kids and your ex. Be hopeful, even if inside it feels like things are failing. Co-parenting is a challenge. But you are in it for the long haul. While this may not be your ideal way of parenting, it is your reality. So accept it, and do your best within those parameters. Smile more, speak in a kind tone, and always remember for whom you are doing this.

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Google+ and Pinterest.

It was a lovely season of life.

Lovely though it was, reality inevitably invades (usually around the time that a driver’s license enters this halcyon picture). With that reality comes our children’s startling realization that parents are also actually – gasp — human beings. Although an amusing statement on its face, this can also be a difficult realization, particularly if and when a parent chooses to resume dating after a divorce or spousal loss. Many (if not most) children tend to see their parents as… well…parents. That’s fine of course, but what they may occasionally lose sight of is that parents are people too.

So how does a parent date, enjoy companionship and even fall in love again, all while enduring the scrutiny (and opinions) of their growing and/or grown children?

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Before we bring in the kids, let’s first talk about you. Whether you are just thinking about the resumption of dating, or you have already reentered the World of Dating, you may feel overwhelmingly guilty; almost as though you’re “cheating” on your previous spouse/partner. These “cheating twinges” are a form of emotional self-punishment; to which none of us are immune. Let us first get one thing very clear. Regardless of how your previous marriage/relationship ended, the resumption of dating is absolutely, 100% perfectly normal. You are not cheating. You are not casting aspersions upon a previous life with a previous person or dishonoring any memories. You are simply moving forward into a new life (since after spousal loss of any kind, the life with which we are presented is indeed new).

I also want to remind you that loving another does not in any way diminish the love that you have for a late spouse or disparage the life that you led with an ex-spouse. It is important to recognize that the heart has an infinite capacity to love. There are no “love quotas” or limits on love and you are entitled to a life that includes companionship, love, laughter, and happiness. Just as you are learning this very important lesson, you must in turn be prepared to share this lesson with your children as well.

Now, let’s invite the children in.

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I seriously doubt that my late husband had a bigger fan on the planet than our daughter Kendall. Whether he was driving a police car, sitting on top of a horse or confined to a wheelchair and unable to speak (the results of his battle with ALS), Daddy was her idol. No one stood taller in her eyes and to this very day (and in her own words), he remains her hero…and he always will.

About two years after Mike died, I felt ready to consider dating once again. Rather than suddenly greet my then-thirteen year old with something akin to, “Guess what I’m doing on Saturday night”, I instead took her out to dinner and explained that I felt ready to open my mind to dating – long before I had met anyone or been asked out anywhere. I took great care to let her know that while I loved her daddy very much and that I always will, I also felt ready to welcome new people into my life. I made it very clear that no matter with whom I chose to spend time or even possibly fall in love, no one could or would ever replace her daddy in my heart. She understood that dating and/or the possibility of falling in love with another man bore no reflection on my love for her dad and that companionship is a normal and natural part of life’s continuum. When took this sensitive approach, Kendall readily understood that not only was it OK for me to date, it was a healthy thing to do.

If you are ready to date once again, this is a conversation that you must have with your children. By nature of the fact that you are here, if you so choose, you have a right to a life that includes companionship and you need to assert that right calmly. Help your children understand that just as your heart has the capacity to love again, they too can open their hearts to new possibilities…without feeling any kind of betrayal or disloyalty to the other parent. Simply put, this does not have to be an emotional “either/or, choose-one-or-the-other” proposition.

After making a Declaration of Dating Intent to your children, what happens if you are met with consternation, doubt, trepidation or outright hostility rather than enthusiasm and encouragement? Do not jump on the defensive…not just yet. Dig a little deeper. What specifically is causing the negative response? Are they objecting to a specific person or to dating in general? Are they concerned about the opinions of others? Is it perceived betrayal? Be willing to listen to their rationale, as there may be merit in their objections (i.e., they suspect that a prospective date is a “bad guy/gal” who may have ulterior motives or they believe that you may be in some kind of physical, emotional or financial peril).

However, if their response is along the lines of, “It’s just weird”; “What about Mom/Dad? [referring to the absent parent]”; “I just don’t want you to date” (without an attendant and solid reason) and so forth – those are not reasons enough. The reality is that if your children do not approve of you dating once again, it is a problem for them…not for you. We do not require the approval of anyone to lead our lives in positive, constructive ways and that includes our children. While children are certainly factors in our lives, they either already have or are about to go on to lead independent lives – which is exactly what we raise them to do. As such, you do not dictate how your grown children lead their lives and conversely, they do not get to dictate how you choose to live yours. In other words, and as my late daddy would say in his very Oklahoman way, “The tail does not wag the dog.”

Next and inevitably, the question of introducing the children to dates comes up and usually that question is prefaced with the words, “how” and “when”. Remember the days of introducing love interests to your parents? It is about one hundred times more difficult to bring people home to your children. Talk about going before a jury! The first and best piece of advice that I give concerning dating and children is that regardless of their age(s), do not introduce every single person with whom you spend time to them. Until or unless the relationship becomes serious (or at the very least, exclusive), no child needs to meet every single person that you date.

Of course, it is perfectly acceptable to date more than one person at a time and I strongly advocate letting your children know that you are dating. In fact, I always enjoyed sharing my dating experiences with my daughter (mostly because so many of those dates were first date/last date combos and cautionary tales). That said, children do not need to witness a rotating dating roster. It can create confusion and a sense of uncertainty if, in your children’s eyes, the front door becomes a “revolving door”. They won’t know where or with whom to put their emotions. I did a significant amount of dating in the years after my husband’s passing and with all of the dating that I did in those ensuring years, in point of fact, my daughter (who is now an adult) met only two men — the ex-boyfriend with whom I broke up over a decade ago and the man to whom I am now married. So, no matter how tempting, no matter how nice the person, even if they ask to meet the children, I strongly recommend that until or unless you have established that yours is an exclusive relationship, you should wait before any introductions are made.

Another consideration is that again, regardless of the age of your children and no matter how little or how much time has passed, they may initially have a challenging time assimilating the thought of you with another love interest, let alone actually seeing you laughing with, enjoying time with, and being affectionate with another person. Tread carefully and sensitively here. This is not the time to “spring” surprises (i.e., bringing someone home unannounced, before your children have had adequate time or notice to prepare emotionally). Prior to introducing anyone to your children or making any “statement” (verbal or otherwise) about a new relationship status, sit down with them, turn off the television, put all electronics on “ignore” and discuss taking this step in your life.

It is absolutely possible to have a successful dating life after divorce or loss and it is absolutely possible to reconcile that dating life with your life as a divorced or widowed parent. Treat your children with respect and sensitivity as you outline your dating plan, expect the same in return, and all of you may well reap the rewards of a new life filled with new love, new possibilities, and new memories to be created and treasured.

Carole Brody Fleet is the award-winning author of the #1 ranked new release in its genre, “When Bad Things Happen to Good Women…” (Viva Editions). She is also the author of “Happily EVEN After… “(Viva Editions); winner of the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award, one of the top national awards in publishing; as well as the critically praised, national bestseller, “Widows Wear Stilettos…” (New Horizon Press). A two-time contributor to the iconic Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, Ms. Fleet regularly appears as a media expert on numerous television and radio programs nationally and internationally; as well as in national and international print media. To learn more, please visit www.carolefleetspeaker.com and www.widowswearstilettos.com

In recent years, I’ve met with many seniors who are still eager to expand their horizons. Whether it’s traveling the world or keeping up with family and friends, seniors today feel that their age should not require them to settle for disappointment. Sometimes, couples can find this passion together, but many women feel their partners have become obstacles to enjoying their later years.

The number of “gray” divorces is on the rise, and many couples are facing the unique challenges of splitting up after a long life together. While it can be stressful, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Making a Healthy Break

When trying to make a smooth transition out of married life, there are three areas that older divorcées must consider:

First, if you’re getting out of a long-term marriage, remember that most courts will grant alimony. Younger couples often have temporary arrangements that allow the lower-earning spouses to get back on track. However, when you end a longer marriage, alimony obligations tend to last for life.

Also remember that attorneys usually choose to divide retirement funds and other financial assets equally, meaning you will likely have less money than you did when you were together. If you rely on a pension or Social Security, you will need to make plans for how to establish a stable lifestyle after divorce.

Finally, there’s the marital home — often the most valuable asset on the line during a divorce. Unfortunately, the value of marital homes for long-term couples can be hard to establish. They tend to drop in value over time, leading to less money to split between the parties.

Divorce is never easy, and when you’ve been married for much of your adult life, separation can be even more complicated. But that’s not the end of the story. There are many ways to deal with the transition and even bounce back stronger than ever.

1. Pay attention to your insurance. Make sure to consider the costs of separate life, health, and property insurance. These costs add up, so if you are on the receiving end of alimony, be sure to get policies that protect you financially if anything happens to your ex-husband.

2. Create a financial game plan. With less money than you had before the divorce, you will need to plan and budget carefully to ensure you can fully enjoy life. Calculate the amount of money needed for all necessary expenses. Then see what kind of wiggle room you have for the extras. 

3. Consider furnished housing. Furnished rentals are on the rise, and finding a temporary residence can help you find a stable life post-divorce. Good furnished homes have living necessities such as linens, appliances, kitchens, and cleaning supplies. Most will also include utilities such as gas, electricity, and water. Short-term rentals provide flexible lease terms, making it easy to land on your feet while you figure out a more permanent solution.

4. Connect with your neighbors. In addition to financial challenges, senior divorcees could face loneliness and loss of social support from family and friends. If you are looking to live independently, why not link up with a neighbor? You and your neighbors can share the costs of home repairs and transportation by forming a village or an independent senior living community. You can live independently while still forming close friendships with other seniors after your divorce.

Divorce isn’t the end of the road for younger women, and it doesn’t have to be for senior women, either. If you and your spouse choose to divorce, there are many ways for you to continue to thrive. It just takes a little planning and community.

David Adams is the founder of HomeSuite, an online marketplace for temporary furnished housing that uses technology, data, and customer service to provide the best possible experience for tenants and landlords. Connect with David on Twitter.

Joryn Jenkins, a trial attorney with 35 years of courtroom experience and author of War or Peace: Avoid The Destruction of Divorce, says a peaceful dissolution of marriage can take place only if you do these seven things:

Don’t assume you must litigate. While a judgement of divorce signed by a judge is required, there are many ways to get to that final hearing.  You can negotiate with your spouse on your own.  You can hire a mediator.  You can hire a cooperative lawyer.  The newest and best way is to hire a collaborative team to help you negotiate your divorce.  The point is, there’s no need for unnecessary litigation which is costly and can get ugly.

Don’t empty joint financial accounts. Some lawyers encourage their clients to empty the bank accounts before “your spouse does it.” This is a declaration of war, equivalent to pushing the red button. The one who empties the joint bank account will lose credibility with the judge. This will also cost you more money in attorney’s fees when your spouse embarks on a search mission to find those assets, and it will also delay the conclusion of your case.

Don’t talk trash. If you must vent issues about your ex, beware of the consequences.  The only true confidential exchange you have is with your attorney, and that’s protected only if there are no outsiders present. Never trash your ex to your kids as this will only hurt you in court.

Don’t post on social media. It’s hugely tempting to brag about your new life before you’re even divorced.  Don’t post anything that might be used against you. Details about the keg you finished by yourself or the one-night stands you’ve enjoyed, or the pictures with your new girlfriend will not help your divorce case. Think of all the famous folks who are now infamous idiots just because they had to hit “enter.”

Don’t file false claims. Telling the police that your spouse hit you is not the right way to announce that you want a divorce or to get him or her out of the house. It’s a declaration of war and your kids and bank accounts will suffer in the ensuing firestorm.

Always get a second opinion. A lawyer should explain all the options available to getting that final judgement.  But lawyers are human.  They make mistakes.  They have biases.  They want to make money.  Always get a second opinion before choosing an attorney. But once you do retain counsel, take her advice.

Go the collaborative route. A collaborative divorce will save you time and money, prevent emotional trauma, ensure personalized results with which your family can live, and protect your relationships with the people about whom you care. While most divorce processes address only the legal and financial separation between parties, the collaborative process addresses the emotional element of the dissolution of your marriage, too, and consists of a group of professionals who work as a team to help you resolve your divorce.

Joryn Jenkins, now in private practice, concentrates on the collaborative practice of family law. For more about her work, visit her website, http://openpalmlaw.com/.

Certified Financial Planners Gary Plessl and Kevin Houser, authors of The Book on Retirement: Are You Ready for The Second Half of Your Financial Life?, say there are plenty of things you can do to ease the financial impact of divorce on your retirement.

Their ten tips:

Establish a solid non-IRA cash fund to make sure you can weather a six- to 12-month storm such as an illness or job transition. Unfortunately, life has a funny way of throwing unexpected events at us at the wrong times, so be ready by having cash outside of retirement funds that you can access without penalty.

Change primary and contingent beneficiary information on all retirement accounts, insurance policies and all pension information.

Change your estate planning documents including any clauses that might relate to, “If I die, then this happens….” If you get divorced but forget to make these important changes, your ex will still be able to make these important decisions if you’re not able to.

Make sure that all Power of Attonrey (POAs) are revoked at all financial institutions.

If you’re over age 50 at the end of the year, utilize the catch up provision for 401(k) and IRA accounts.  In 2015, for example, catch up provisions on 401(k) accounts is capped at $6,000 and for IRAs it is $1,000.

You may need to budget better to prepare for retirement. The best way to do this is to establish a hierarchy of what is important to you and allocate your dollars that way. Maybe it’s more time to travel, money for your grandkids’ college education or an extra cash reserve.  Whatever it is, budget for and put away specifically for these items.

When it comes to a trust, remember that it is the trustees who must make the decisions about what happens to the property, not the settlors or beneficiaries. Carefully consider your future successor appointment and future trustee appointments.

Social Security and divorce: You will be able to claim the greater of either your personal benefits or half of your former spouse’s, but you aren’t allowed to claim both. If you get married again, you can’t claim your ex-spouse’s Social Security.

Establish your own credit: When you’re divorced, the last thing you want to do is keep joint financial accounts.  Open your own bank accounts and get your own credit card and work on improving your individual credit.

Hire a financial advisor at the same time you hire a divorce attorney: Most people think about bringing in a financial advisor after the divorce. Let them work together to devise a fair settlement for both parties.

For more information on Gary Plessl and Kevin Houser, click here. To buy The Book on Retirement, click here. 

There are few life transitions more difficult than navigating a divorce. According to Nicole Mayer, AIF, CDFA of RPG Life Transition Specialists, a holistic wealth management firm in Chicago, both parties must arm themselves with knowledge and understanding to avoid unnecessary complications, especially as they relate to their finances.

“The number of people who jump into a divorce without realizing the kind of financial implications it has is disheartening,” says Mayer. “It’s like having a baby without ever reading a parenting book. Our goal is to make sure folks know what to expect, and are prepared for the unexpected.”

Below are RPG Life Transition Specialists’ top five tips for navigating divorce month as unscathed as possible.

1  Anticipate Up Front Costs: A divorce typically costs no less than $20,000, and understanding that up front will make for a smoother transition. “When you factor in lawyers, tax advisors, time off work, the cost of a divorce is greater than it may appear at the outset,” warns Mayer. “Do your research so there are fewer surprises. Also, consider mediation as part of your divorce, which significantly reduce the costs.”

2  Understand Your Immediate Needs. Over the short term, your number one goal should be survival. “If you’re concerned about making ends meet during and after the divorce, that should inform your negotiation strategy,” says Mayer. “Stocks and bonds, which can be easily liquidated, should be a priority above retirement accounts or other long-term investments.”

3  Review Past Tax Returns. Sit down with your spouse and review the past five years of jointly-filed tax returns to determine income and future tax advantages. “Oftentimes, there are tax benefits accrued during a marriage that come to fruition years in the future,” says Kadish. “Those are negotiable assets to consider.”

4  Consider Beneficiary Information.Take some time to review and adjust the beneficiaries on your retirement accounts and insurance policies. “Amidst all the paperwork and meetings, this is often overlooked,” says Mayer. “If you have to name a minor child as a beneficiary, you’ll have to determine a guardian who is not your soon-to-be-ex.”

5  Check Your Debt.Any debt realized jointly during the course of a marriage stays with a married couple indefinitely. “Regardless of what settlement terms you secure, if one spouse does not pay a debt you both incurred as agreed, the other is responsible,” cautions Mayer.

Divorce is understandably difficult, but knowing what to expect and having a clear plan for managing finances will help make it as smooth a life transition as possible.

RPG-Life Transition Specialists (RPG) is a financial planning firm that exists to help people connect their wealth to purpose and live a more enriched life as we educate them to make future decisions with confidence. We believe that the financial services model has been broken and have strived to do things differently. We do this by putting education first, spending our time in helping people identify what is truly important in life to them and helping them connect their wealth to their purpose. Partners, Joshua Kadish, AIF, RFC & Nicole Mayer, AIF, CDFA reached #1 on Amazon in the wealth management category for their book, Navigating Life’s Transitions: Connecting Your Means To Your Meaning (http://www.amazon.com/Navigating-Lifes-Transitions-Connecting-Meaning/dp/1939418542/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421849237&sr=8-1&keywords=Navigating+Life%E2%80%99s+Transitions%3A+Connecting+Your+Means+To+Your+Meaning). They have been featured in esteemed publications like the Wall Street Journal, Money, Consumer Reports, Crain’s and Chicago Businessand have been recognized by Chicago Magazine as Five Star Wealth Managers in 2012, 2013 & 2014. They can be reached at (800) 596-0253.  Find them online at www.rpgplan.com. 

Last year at this time I was sitting next to a woman I met on a plane with whom I had much in common: We both had husbands who had cheated on us and broken our hearts. I felt the connection until she noted that his affair with her best friend – with whom he was still a couple — had been about eight years ago. I was nearly three years into the healing process, angry, sad, and philosophical by turn. I realized that, even though what Nora Ephron had noted about divorce was true – “The most important thing about me was that for quite a chunk of my life I was divorced” — if I did not want to feel as raw as my seatmate five years down the road, I’d better get busy letting go.

Today I have a reasonable relationship with my ex, although I have not seen him for more than a few hours in the last four years after seeing him almost every day for 38 years. We text and email about our two children and four grandchildren and mutual financial matters (a tax audit, the house we co-own that is now rental property). We have even tackled some of the hard issues that broke up our marriage. It helps that he isn’t still living with the woman for whom he left me. But if it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else – and it had happened before.

I still get teary when I hear certain songs or feel like doing our comfortable silly dancing with him, or forget we’ve been estranged and want to share a piece of information with him about something I saw or did. But now I have the sense to turn the music off, dance by myself, and call someone else.

Just as I don’t want to be defined by the drugs I did in the sixties and seventies, I don’t want my own sixties and seventies to be defined by the loss of my ex, who isn’t who he used to be either. We have all been tempered and forged by change and challenges. It takes time to recover from trauma. But it is not OK to continue feeling bad when you reach the point where you are capable of doing things to make yourself feel better.

Here are some suggestions for letting go:

Cry it out: Letting go with tears is a genuine detox. Let those feelings become fluid, as in water under the bridge, instead of holding them inside like blocks of ice.

Lots of therapy: At one point I was seeing a psychiatrist, therapist, life coach, and spiritual guide. I scaled back to only paying the people who were really helping me, but every bit of therapy got me a little bit further along to where I wanted to be.

Let your friends help you: There’s a tendency to isolate when you’re feeling humiliated and flawed. Good friends will know when to leave you alone and when to break down the door and drag you into the sunlight. One friend flew down from Chicago to South Florida and took me to a James Taylor/Carole King concert, and reminded me that she would never divorce me.

Exercise beyond your limits: Never an athlete, I was extremely uncomfortable to commit to exercise. But I found that when I was doing abdominal curls or trying to keep up in Zumba class, I couldn’t dwell on my problems, which gave me a welcome break.

Massage, facials, and manicures: Treat yourself because you’re worth it.

Meditation: This is the most authentic way to refresh and relax; and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Gratitude: Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a long time I could not think of what I did have rather than what I had lost. But the time came when I woke up happy every morning just because I felt lucky to be alive.

Judy Kirkwood provides content for Facebook entries (with a specialty in positive affirmations); writes articles for print and web publications – national, regional, and local; is a contributing writer to Simply the Best magazine in South Florida; and plays on the beach and in the pool year-round. Please visit www.judykirkwood.wix.com/judy-kirkwood.

Judy Kirkwood, ThirdAge’s Contributing Editor and Forum Director, was lucky to land in South Florida, where almost everyone has or is getting a divorce.

But there is hope for a new kind of Valentine’s celebration. On a day when “I love you, darling” is shoved down our throats, maybe we should be expressing our gratitude to those who stuck by us through the valley of depression, or making the day special for our children or grandchildren.

“This is a chance to embrace love – but to diversify the definition,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, professor of psychology and 
frequent media contributor. “It could 
be a day to bring together your tribe – children, friends, family – and celebrate with whomever infuses your life with love on a daily basis.”

This is also a great 
day to put out intentions, adds Dr. Ramani.  “About six weeks ago most of us made New Year’s resolutions;  perhaps VDay can be a day for making resolutions for self-love – list out the classes you want to take, trips you hope to take,
dreams you want to pursue, restaurants to try, recipes to cook, etc. Dating yourself, planning a life around 
yourself, is the ultimate expression of love.”

Saideh Browne of the Browne Center for Success and Wellness in Hoboken, NJ, who has been married for 20 years, has a wonderful idea: “I have two clients who divorced within the past three months and one who recently filed for separation. I have decided to host a Dream Board party [where participants map out their vision for the future] for the women to enjoy the company of others who truly love them and celebrate the 
splendor of their lives. I honor marriage, but I honor myself more and my message for 
the women the night of our party will be to celebrate life and their role 
in it.” Bravo!

Trish McDermott, a social dating expert and spokesperson, says Valentine’s Day is about love of all types, not just romantic love. “Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Celebrate the love you do have in your life! Take your elderly mom out to dinner. Call your daughter in college just to tell her you love her. Visit your widowed brother and his kids with a big heart cake. Bring some yummy treats down to a homeless shelter.”

“Valentine’s Day is not the day single people should be at singles events, setting up dates, or trying to find someone to love,” she adds. “That rings of desperation. Honoring the love you are lucky enough to already have in your life, and being loving to others–even strangers–with no expectation of anything in return, that’s a beautiful thing!”

Judy Kirkwood made Smilebox Valentine’s messages for her granddaughters that she posted on Facebook.

Judy Kirkwood writes articles for print and web publications – national, regional, and local; is a contributing writer to Simply the Best and Boca Raton Observer magazines in South Florida; and plays on the beach and in the pool year-round. Visit her on Facebook @JudysFlorida and please visit www.JudysFlorida.com.