Quarantined with Your Partner? 3 Common Relationship Struggles to Watch Out For

By Jessica Baum, LMHC

Through many years of helping couples and studying the nature of relationships, I’ve seen my fair share of relationship struggles. And let me tell you, no one’s relationship is perfect. Here are the three most common issues I see repeatedly with the couples I counsel. If any of these describe what you’re currently going through or have gone through, rest assured that they are a normal part of any relationship.

1. In-laws:I see this issue with one out of every four couples I counsel. It can be the overbearing mother who cannot let her son grow up, or the stubborn father who never seems to think anyone is good enough for his daughter. But the most common theme I see is one partner doesn’t feel supported by the other partner when that partner has poor boundaries with their parents.

 If your parents tend to be over-involved in your life, there’s a good chance that it will end up showing up in your relationship. It’s crucial to have healthy boundaries with your parents, especially if you plan on entering or maintaining a serious relationship.

2. Money: It’s likely that both you and your partner had your own separate relationships with money before you met each other. There’s also a strong possibility that you each had different views on what was prudent to spend money on. Money isn’t always about money; it can also represent what you invest in the relationship. Do you both invest in your own way to the point where it feels like you’re a team? Even if the dollar amount contributed isn’t the same, it should feel on many levels like the relationship is a mutual investment. No relationship is 50/50 — not even when it comes to money — but there should feel like a balance between two partners on how much they invest in the relationship personally and financially.

3. Competing needs: This is a big one. Put simply, sometimes you have needs that are completely different from your partner’s, and vice versa. It’s not always an issue, but when these needs are opposing, there can be complications. For example, you might need more connection and intimacy, while they need more space and alone time. Even though this is extremely common, it often turns into feelings of rejection and all kinds of other misconceptions. Simple communication and reassurance can help quell any pain points with competing needs.

Let’s say you’re the partner who needs space. It would be helpful to reassure your partner by saying something like, “Hey honey, I love you very much, and right now I need a little alone time to just decompress. Let’s make a date night to spend quality time together tomorrow.” That way, your partner hears your needs while you also commit to a time where you’ll fulfill theirs, too. Compromise is important here, especially if we have competing needs.

Jessica Baum, LMHC is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach and creator of the Self-Full^® method — a therapeutic path to personal wellness and freedom from codependence. Jessica holds an undergraduate degree from Fordham University and a master’s degree in mental health counseling from South University.

As a certified addiction specialist, her focuses are chemical abuse, codependency,  and anxiety. She is also a certified Imago Therapist, bringing her compassionate and effective relationship counseling experience to families, couples, and family programs within addiction treatment centers. Jessica has extensive training in psychodrama and experiential therapy, and is additionally skilled in cognitive and dialectical behavior therapy. Her training also includes EMDR and Post Induction Therapy, and she has a wealth of experience supporting trauma patients.

Jessica’s own personal core belief is centered around the importance of connection, both to oneself and the outside world. She believes the crux of most personal struggles can be attributed to a lack of true understanding and personal connection, and that it is this sense of disconnection that ultimately leads to pain. Jessica founded the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach to help heal, foster happiness, and restore hope in the individuals and families she works with. Learn more at www.RelationshipsPB.com and www.JessicaBaumLMHC.com.