Your Sex Drive Does NOT Go Away: How Your Desire Intensifies After You Turn 40

By Londin Angel Winters

A word of warning to all women: DO NOT buy into the myth that your sex drive goes away after you turn 40.

The truth is your sex drive can become stronger. Why? Because much of a woman’s ability to orgasm in sex comes from feeling safe and relaxed. By 50, you are way more likely to feel safe in yourself and relaxed in yourself. You are much less dependent on a man’s passing whimsy and judgments (whether he thinks you’re “enough”). So naturally, your empowerment around sex will be stronger therefore your enjoyment of sex will be better.

Because they are less desperate for approval, older woman tend to be more honest in the sack about what they like and don’t like. Therefore they are easier to please. They’ve given a man a real target to hit. So when he does, it’s a bullseye. Younger women may appear more interested in sex, but don’t assume they are having orgasms or enjoying it beyond the attention aspects. This is not always the case. Statistics show that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone – that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances.

There is a revolution happening. Women are not only taking their power back in the workplace. They are taking their power back in the bedroom as well. They are owning their sensual selves and finding partners who are excited to join them in the throes of passion.

If you are a woman over 40 and feel you haven’t quite caught on to this revolution, here are three ways to turn the aging conversation on its head:

1. Make Peace with Your Aging Body. Self-consciousness and self-judgment shut down sex drive. If you are painfully ashamed of a few extra pounds, sagging skin or the ravages of breast feeding, you will get stuck in your head and stuck in your inhibitions. You may have a strong desire for sex, but your inner critic will never let you unleash into owning it. And here’s the paradox. The more attention you give your flaws, the more you invite him to pay attention to them. Unless you have chosen a painfully shallow man, the truth is: if you don’t care, he won’t care.
2. Value Yourself Beyond the Surface. If a wrinkle-free face and gravity-defying rear end are your definition of hot, then you will likely feel hopelessly inadequate and this will eat away at your confidence and spontaneity in the sack. To compare is to despair. Do not allow yourself to get into a mind game where you constantly rate yourself against younger woman. If you allow this toxic mentality, you could go get all the plastic surgery in the world and still feel inadequate because you are basing your value as a lover on aspects that are fleeting. Turn that paradigm on its head by landing your value as a lover in your depth… the kind of depth that age brings. You are likely to have a spiritual maturity that few younger women can rival. This is insanely attractive to a deep man. He wants a woman who is able to love him fearlessly and give herself fully to the sexual occasion. Spiritual maturity allows a woman to do this. She is not afraid to meet the moment.
3. Turn YOURSELF on. Just like our skin dries out without lubrication… so can our vaginas. Don’t leave your Ferrari parked in the garage. Get it out and drive it every day. Begin a strong self-pleasuring practice. Find out what turns you on. It’s likely changed with age. Don’t rely on your sexual partner to do this for you. That’s like trying to learn a layup in the middle of the NBA playoffs. In the same way athletes practice, you can practice. If you’ve got all cylinders going but the juices just aren’t flowing, begin using Vitamin E suppositories. They are miraculous for re-lubricating your entire vaginal canal, which will make penetration feel amazing again (not painful and burning).

Ultimately it is about recognizing and owning the value of your age. Turn your attention away from the past and who you used to be which made you attractive. Instead, focus on who you are NOW and all the incredible assets you bring as a sexual partner. Join the revolution and claim your right to enjoy your body at every age.

Londin Angel Winters, author of The Awakened Woman’s Guide to Everlasting Love, is often featured in Goop, The Sex Issue. Along with her husband, Justin Patrick Pierce, they are acclaimed sacred intimacy coached and leaders of transformative high-end retreats including their signature training, “Yoga of Intimacy.”

Londin and Justin have been studying and practicing spiritual intimacy for nearly a decade under the tutelage of world-renowned teachers. They educate men and women on spiritual and intimate development through a unique hands-on approach where practicality through embodiment is prioritized over theory.