The findings were published in the journal Sexual Medicine.

Led by Dr. Lee Smith from Anglia Ruskin University, UK, and Dr. Sarah Jackson from University College London, the study involved analyzing survey data from the English Longitudinal Study of Aging. The research analyzed data from 6,879 older adults, with an average age of 65, living in England.

The survey revealed that older men and women who reported any type of sexual activity in the previous 12 months had a higher life enjoyment score than those who were not sexually active.

For older women, more kissing, petting, and fondling was associated with a higher enjoyment of life, as was feeling emotionally close to their partner during sex. But for the same group, there was not a significant association between sexual intercourse and enjoyment of life.

Among older men, however, the response was different. They associated greater enjoyment of life with the frequency of sexual intercourse. The results from the study indicate that sexual intercourse may be more important for older men than women in terms of promoting wellbeing, with women’s enjoyment more closely linked to other sexual activities.  (Click here to read our story, “Sex after 65: Poll Finds Links to Health, Gender Differences and Lack of Communication.”)

“Health professionals should acknowledge that older adults are not asexual.”

Smith, Reader in Exercise Medicine at Anglia Ruskin University, said: “Previous research has suggested that frequent sexual intercourse is associated with a range of benefits for psychological and physiological wellbeing, such as improved quality of life and mental health, and lower risk of certain cancers and fatal coronary events.

“Health professionals should acknowledge that older adults are not asexual and that a frequent and problem-free sex life in this population is related to better wellbeing. However, encouragement to try new positions and explore different types of sexual activities is not regularly given to ageing populations.

“The findings of our study suggest that it may be beneficial for physicians to query geriatric patients about their sexual activity and offer help for sexual difficulties, as sexual activity helps older people live more fulfilling lives.”

Today, although we better understand the science behind desire, there is still much to be learned. A recent meeting of the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) provided a historical world-wide tour of the search for aphrodisiacs, ending with current evidence-based pharmacologic treatments for low sex drive (hypoactive sexual desire disorder).

Much has been learned in recent years about how and why women get in the mood for sex. Yet, there still remains only one FDA-approved pharmacologic option for women diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder and in need of treatment to enhance their overall quality of life.

Dr. Sheryl Kingsberg from University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and President of NAMS moderated and spoke in the session titled “Sexual Desire: Wired for Wild?” at the NAMS Annual Meeting. Dr. James Pfaus from Concordia University in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, will also spoke in the session on

Experts shared the latest research about the neurochemistry of sexual desire and highlighted the role of the central nervous system and the neurotransmitter dopamine in stimulating pleasure. There was discussion on how music, particularly rock and roll, plays a role in wiring humans for desire and how research and scientific advances have moved in parallel with societal changes, as has the evolution of rock and roll.

The NAMS executive director shared:  “Healthcare providers need a better understanding of the latest research in women’s sexual health in order to help the number of women affected by hypoactive sexual desire disorder.”

The truth is your sex drive can become stronger. Why? Because much of a woman’s ability to orgasm in sex comes from feeling safe and relaxed. By 50, you are way more likely to feel safe in yourself and relaxed in yourself. You are much less dependent on a man’s passing whimsy and judgments (whether he thinks you’re “enough”). So naturally, your empowerment around sex will be stronger therefore your enjoyment of sex will be better.

Because they are less desperate for approval, older woman tend to be more honest in the sack about what they like and don’t like. Therefore they are easier to please. They’ve given a man a real target to hit. So when he does, it’s a bullseye. Younger women may appear more interested in sex, but don’t assume they are having orgasms or enjoying it beyond the attention aspects. This is not always the case. Statistics show that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone – that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances.

There is a revolution happening. Women are not only taking their power back in the workplace. They are taking their power back in the bedroom as well. They are owning their sensual selves and finding partners who are excited to join them in the throes of passion.

If you are a woman over 40 and feel you haven’t quite caught on to this revolution, here are three ways to turn the aging conversation on its head:

1. Make Peace with Your Aging Body. Self-consciousness and self-judgment shut down sex drive. If you are painfully ashamed of a few extra pounds, sagging skin or the ravages of breast feeding, you will get stuck in your head and stuck in your inhibitions. You may have a strong desire for sex, but your inner critic will never let you unleash into owning it. And here’s the paradox. The more attention you give your flaws, the more you invite him to pay attention to them. Unless you have chosen a painfully shallow man, the truth is: if you don’t care, he won’t care.
2. Value Yourself Beyond the Surface. If a wrinkle-free face and gravity-defying rear end are your definition of hot, then you will likely feel hopelessly inadequate and this will eat away at your confidence and spontaneity in the sack. To compare is to despair. Do not allow yourself to get into a mind game where you constantly rate yourself against younger woman. If you allow this toxic mentality, you could go get all the plastic surgery in the world and still feel inadequate because you are basing your value as a lover on aspects that are fleeting. Turn that paradigm on its head by landing your value as a lover in your depth… the kind of depth that age brings. You are likely to have a spiritual maturity that few younger women can rival. This is insanely attractive to a deep man. He wants a woman who is able to love him fearlessly and give herself fully to the sexual occasion. Spiritual maturity allows a woman to do this. She is not afraid to meet the moment.
3. Turn YOURSELF on. Just like our skin dries out without lubrication… so can our vaginas. Don’t leave your Ferrari parked in the garage. Get it out and drive it every day. Begin a strong self-pleasuring practice. Find out what turns you on. It’s likely changed with age. Don’t rely on your sexual partner to do this for you. That’s like trying to learn a layup in the middle of the NBA playoffs. In the same way athletes practice, you can practice. If you’ve got all cylinders going but the juices just aren’t flowing, begin using Vitamin E suppositories. They are miraculous for re-lubricating your entire vaginal canal, which will make penetration feel amazing again (not painful and burning).

Ultimately it is about recognizing and owning the value of your age. Turn your attention away from the past and who you used to be which made you attractive. Instead, focus on who you are NOW and all the incredible assets you bring as a sexual partner. Join the revolution and claim your right to enjoy your body at every age.

Londin Angel Winters, author of The Awakened Woman’s Guide to Everlasting Love, is often featured in Goop, The Sex Issue. Along with her husband, Justin Patrick Pierce, they are acclaimed sacred intimacy coached and leaders of transformative high-end retreats including their signature training, “Yoga of Intimacy.”

Londin and Justin have been studying and practicing spiritual intimacy for nearly a decade under the tutelage of world-renowned teachers. They educate men and women on spiritual and intimate development through a unique hands-on approach where practicality through embodiment is prioritized over theory.

Let’s start with addressing a popular misconception about the uncoupled, that misconception being that if you’re alone, you’re not having sex. But sex is so much more than intercourse. Orgasms aren’t contingent on human partners. Nobody, including any mammal, actually needs another body to get off. You may have gotten out of the habit of self-pleasure you taught yourself decades ago, but at the end of the day, who knows your body and its responses better than yourself?

“I look forward to having a lover so I can experience sex again,” is an oft-repeated phrase among those who have been celibate due to widowhood or divorce. “I’ve been alone a long time so it’s been awhile since I’ve had sex,” you hear women say when they talk to one another about matters below the belt. Not having a partner for many women means they’ve denied themselves sex, or they lack the impetus or imagination to engage in self-pleasure.

Here are some tips to get you in the groove:

Get in the mood. Now that you’ve decided you will masturbate, don’t expect it to be successful if you don’t clear the decks first. In other words, don’t try to pleasure yourself right after you got off the phone with your mom, or you just quarreled with your neighbor, or spoke with your accountant. Sure, if you’re stressed what you need most is something to help you calm down and chill out, and yes, orgasm will do that, but take some time to clear your head before you peel down your panties and jump into bed. This is where a soothing bath or shower and maybe a glass of wine comes in. Your problems will all be there later. For now, focus on your current erotic daydream.

Warm up with Kegels. Kegels, those internal squeezing exercises your doctor may have recommended or you read about in a magazine at the hairdresser, are not just good for strengthening your pelvic floor, the goal being avoidance of embarrassing leaks of pee when you sneeze. They’re good for keep your innermost lady parts nicely toned. If you’re not doing them already, get in the habit of doing Kegels in sets of ten repetitions, two or three times a day. Right before you start an erotic session, do a few Kegels to cue up your body you’re putting it to work.

You can use a vibrator if you want. There are loads of fun products and toys out there to explore, each and every one of them designed to help you assist your orgasmic abilities along. If you’ve never tried one before, you might want to focus on the ones that help you locate and stimulate the elusive G-spot. That’s something many women do better with when there’s no man around. (The Hitachi Magic Wand is the most popular tool to do the job.) But a less talked about reason why some women prefer a vibrator is that vibrators are so powerful and focused that they can do things the mortal human hand (or tongue) cannot. This is liberating for women who take a long time to climax, and/or who want to go for multiple orgasms. Human beings get bored and tired. Equipment does not. Plus sometimes it’s just easier to cut loose with a partner that’s battery-operated.

If you need a visual or literary aid, get them. There’s no shame in saying that your own imagination can be limited. Plus how many times can you pleasure yourself thinking about that same attractive dude you see every morning by the elevators? Spice up your game with new visuals or read an erotic novel.

No one said you had to stay on your back. While it’s true the seat of your pleasure is not so much your vagina as your clitoris, many women enjoy the sensation of penetration. That’s where dildos and magic wands come in. Try lying on your belly or your side, or use pillows to lift your hips. Use a removable shower attachment while you’re lathering up. Some women swear it’s the best way to start their morning.

Practice makes perfect. The more you have sex, including sex with yourself, the more you’ll want it. Once you awaken the body, it wants to keep the momentum going. The first time or two or three you the results may not be as mind blowing or awesome or earth shaking as you might have wished. You might not even come. But don’t give up. Keep on going. Add new elements such as setting the stage, lighting candles, or watching an erotic movie to keep it fresh and hot.

There’s not a woman alive who hasn’t bemoaned the presumed failings of her naked body, but that sense of shame, failure, and self-loathing only increases as we age. Every pucker, every dimple, every sag, not to mention sun spots, liver spots, scars from old injuries and operations loom ever larger, especially if we’re considering getting naked with a partner, a husband or a new friend. Is self-consciousness about your face and body inhibiting your romantic and sexual enjoyment? So how does a person let go of their inhibitions about their body?

I’m going to be practical here: The very first thing is to banish mirrors from your bedroom. You’ll be surprised how easily you adapt to living without them. Yes, you might feel the need for a last-minute check in the mirror when you finish getting dressed, but that mirror can stay in the bathroom or on the inside door of a closet. When you’re young and your hair is thick and your skin unblemished and tight, mirrors are confidence-building; after menopause, most women feel the opposite. So unless you have one of those magical mirrors that make you appear taller and thinner, avoid mirrors in the bedroom.

Invest in an amazing bra you wear only in bed. Bras in bed are sexy (watch any foreign movie); men prefer anything sheer or with lace. (Save the sports bra for the gym.) Wearing a bra to bed is a confidence builder. Don’t take it off until it’s time to slip under the covers for a dreamy night’s sleep, or you’re ready to pop in the shower.

Truly don’t want to see everything there is to see? Turn off the lights entirely. Take off your glasses.

Last but not least, remember your partner isn’t perfect either. Odds are he’s got his own lumps, bumps, and scars to deal with. His skin may be dry and papery. His chest hair – if he has any —is probably white. Just fyi, older American men are possibly the last men on earth to have chest hair. These days, most guys 45 and younger definitely wax. So as you stand in the bathroom in your pretty negligee, flossing your teeth, just remember not to pluck your chin hairs in bed. That really isn’t sexy.

You’re both morning people who share a taste for screwball comedy. You agree deep dish pizza is preferable to thin crust. Even better, you know you’re both dog (not cat) people.

Then you find out there’s a problem between the sheets. He’s just not good in bed.

Is there hope for this relationship moving forward, or should you call it quits?

Sexual incompatibility is an enormous issue that can signal an end to what seemed like the perfect budding relationship. But while certain obviously glaring issues can be deal breakers, the vast majority of physical-intimacy issues between consenting adults can be resolved by communication and a willingness to leave one’s comfort zone.

Some points to take into consideration:

Is it just you who feels this way or is it both of you? The female libido has been known to take a nosedive at the onset of menopause. It’s possible that no matter how attentive your new partner is, your body just takes longer to respond. If you’re not having an orgasm despite foreplay and vigorous intercourse, have a chat with your gynecologist before blaming your partner. A common first step to remedying the situation is to have your hormone levels checked. Your doctor may recommend an estrogen treatment that will help you achieve satisfaction.

Are you open to learning each other’s sexual likes and dislikes? Your new partner isn’t a mind reader; unless you tell him where you prefer to be touched and how, he’s bound to make mistakes. Is there a position you favor, or do you always tense up when your tummy’s touched? Convey this information to your new partner. As long as you share your preferences in a friendly way, most likely he’ll appreciate the advice. If he doesn’t, that should send up a red flag.

Is it just awkward? Elbows in the wrong place or can’t find a comfortable position? Sex, even between two people who are youthful and acrobatic, can be physically awkward. The best solution is to keep trying and to speak up. Most important, be willing to laugh at the ludicrous parts. Sex can be comical, and often a good laugh is more bonding to you as a couple than having a simultaneous orgasm.

Are you focusing on the person or your expectations? When we’re very attracted to a new person, we project what it’s going to be like in bed. Upright and fully clothed, this person is irresistible; naked and lying down, they might seem entirely different. You may have spent hours fantasizing about your new partner and the great sex you’re going to have only to discover he’s just a regular guy who finishes in a few minutes and then turns over and goes to sleep. Measure your disappointment against your expectations before you show him the door.

Basically, though, most guys want to make their partners happy. If you’re thinking there’s a chance you might be in this for the long haul, invest the time to get to know each other – sexually and otherwise.

Eve Marx is a writer and book author living in the Pacific Northwest. A former Penthouse Forum editor, she has written extensively on the subject of sex.

“Um, my husband and I have sex,” I said. “But it’s not penetration.”

According to a report recently released by CNN, my concept of what constitutes sexual intercourse is pretty common. It’s called “Outercourse,” which is another name to describe sexual activity between two people that doesn’t include penile penetration.

What they call “outercourse” you might call “foreplay.”

“Outercourse” is erotic and sensual activity between two people that includes kissing, hugging, rubbing, touching, and fondling. Fingers and tongues may be involved. Clitoral stimulation frequently happens, as well as stimulation leading to orgasm of the penis.

The CNN report is based on a study done by Debby Herbenick, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, in partnership with a research fellow and sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute. Herbenick and her colleagues assessed data from over 1,000 women aged 18 to 94 who responded to a detailed survey about their sex lives. What they learned was that a great majority of women fail to achieve orgasm from penetration alone.

The study suggests that couples should absolutely explore and embrace sexual activity that doesn’t necessarily end in penetration.

My own early sexual experiences bear this information out. I am sure I am not the only woman who rapturously remembers engaging in long make-out sessions and heavy petting long before I decided to embark on intercourse. I remember feeling sad after I made the decision to “go all the way,” knowing that once my partner convinced me to let him put his penis inside me, those long sessions of deep kissing and heavy petting that gave me the orgasms I enjoyed so much would truly be relegated to foreplay, i.e. something to do just long enough before engaging in penetration.

Outercourse, as any woman can attest, is extremely female pleasure-oriented. To call prolonged stimulation of the clitoris “foreplay” is limiting. Outercourse can be compared to making a dinner of tasty and inventive appetizers instead of ordering a predictable entrée or main dish. I don’t know about you, but given the opportunity, I always prefer making a dinner from the appetizers. I might order two or three, but that’s my preferred dinner.

An interesting set of statistics that came out of Herbenick’s study found that only 18 percent of women who responded to the survey said they were able to reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Thirty-six percent of women responding to the survey said they needed direct clitoral stimulation to reach climax before intercourse; another 36% said they required clitoral stimulation during intercourse to enhance their experience.

Laurie Mintz, author of a new book called Becoming Cliterate, said the main reason women fake orgasm with their partners is because they want to appear “normal” and make their partners feel confident about their lovemaking skills and techniques.

To turn it briefly back to the personal, my husband and I didn’t set out to have outercourse over intercourse. The change evolved over a decade. For a time he was on medication that suppressed his libido and interfered with his ability to have a solid erection. As menopause worked its way through my body, my vaginal tissue became thin and much dryer. Traditional intercourse was difficult and sometimes painful. He wasn’t interested in Viagra, and I wasn’t interested in hormone replacement therapy. We tried various lubricants to ease penetration. None were ideal. Because we didn’t want to give up on intimacy, we tried doing other things. Eventually we hit upon a combination of fingers, tongues, and something the French called “frottage,” which is basically rubbing.  The surprise wasn’t that we were giving and getting orgasms again. The surprise was how much we enjoyed our new methods of getting there.

Interested in exploring outercourse? Here are a few tips to get you started.

1. Tell your partner exactly how you want to be touched. Most women prefer one particular style of touching over others, which means communication between partners is key. Tell your partner where you long to be touched and what kind of touch you prefer. More pressure, less pressure, the tiniest tickle; you’ve got to say what you like, and where. I personally like the nape of my neck touched for a long time. The nape of the neck is an important erogenous zone, in case you were unaware.
2. What’s that again about frottage? Frottage is also known as tribadism or dry humping. You can do it with clothes on or off. There is no penetration; it’s just bodies grinding against each other. Dirty dancing, anyone?
3. Kissing is the ultimate intimacy. After you’ve been married awhile, you may forget to kiss, really kiss. A peck on the cheek doesn’t count. Explore deep kissing once again. Go for the kind of kissing you did together before intercourse hijacked it.

Give outercourse a try. You won’t regret it.

On August 28^th 2017, Herbenick with researchers at the Indiana University School of Public Health-Bloomington and the Center for Sexual Health Promotion published a U.S. nationally representative study of sexual behavior, the Sexual Exploration in America Study. The paper, which appeared in in PLOS One, is the first to capture a wide range of diverse sexual behaviors not previously examined in the general population.

The release from the university explains that more than 2,000 male and female Americans were asked about whether they have engaged in more than 30 sexual behaviors. In addition, researchers investigated the level of appeal of nearly 50 sexual behaviors.The team found of those who completed the survey, many have engaged in a wide variety of behaviors and that some are fairly common.

The researchers also noted that, although many men and women rated a range of sexual behaviors as appealing and may have tried them in the distant past, fewer engaged in them in the past month or year.

“These data highlight opportunities for couples to talk more openly with one another about their sexual desires and interests,” said Herbenick. “Together they may find new ways of being romantic or sexual with one another, enhancing both their sexual satisfaction and relationship happiness.”

As a first-of-a-kind study in terms of the breadth of sexual behaviors examined, this research has many implications for the future understanding of adult sexual behaviors beyond those that have been previously recorded and studied. Sexuality educators, clinicians as well as people in the general population will now have a better understanding of the prevalence and diversity of sexual behaviors experienced by adults in the U.S. general population.

A release from the university explains that the researchers looked at the attitudes of sex and aging of a group of 1170 adults from their mid-40s to their mid-70s over a 10-year period.

The group, which included people of diverse sexual orientation, reported that the closer people felt to their chronological age, the lower the quality of their sex life.

The release quotes Steven Mock, an associate professor in Recreation and Leisure Studies at Waterloo, as saying, “What was clear from the data is that feeling younger had a huge impact on how people felt about the quality of their sex life and how interested they were in having sex. For people in mid to later life, feeling young at heart actually appears to make a difference in the bedroom.”

The research drew upon data collected in the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) study in the between 1995 and 2005. The MIDUS study is a national longitudinal study of health and wellbeing in the United States and measures the physical and mental health of participants over a period of decades.

“It’s important to consider all of the different psychosocial and biological factors that might influence a person’s sexuality,” “said Amy Estill, who led the research while completing her Master’s degree at Waterloo. “While feeling younger didn’t have an impact on how much sex people were having, it was quite clear that feeling older does impact the quality of the sex you’re having.”